The Wall

So as you have read in my very first blog posting I have been wanting to have a second baby, I do really want a girl but any baby will suffice. Well as of Sunday i have felt like I hit some sort of wall. (This may be a little graphic but just bare with me.) Sunday morning I woke up and was spotting a little bit which didn't alarm me as women can spot for several reasons one of which I believed maybe I was Ovulating or even better maybe it was implantation bleeding. Well the day went on and the bleeding got worse with pain in my lower abdomen I just kept track of everything and waited until Monday to see if there was any change. Well Monday came and it was 10 times worse. More blood, a lot more pain so I called my Dr's office which of course they were closed due to the holiday. I got so worried and impatient that I called the on call Dr's nurses to take a message and he called me back basically telling me to take a pregnancy test but anything would have to wait until Tuesday anyways so I again did nothing. Tuesday I went to work with Mike so I could hopefully go to see my Dr. Who is so busy and couldn't even call me back until 3:30 by this time Mike had found another Dr and I had a vaginal exam, blood tests, urine pregnancy test and an Ultrasound set up. Basically the results said I wasn't pregnant, I wasn't losing a lot of blood, I didnt' have any infections or abnormalities but they wanted to do an ultrasound to find out what was causing the pain. Went to the Ultrasound appointment and the technician was very nice and answered a lot of questions I asked but all she could tell me was she found Cysts on my right ovary. Cysts are common but not normal and she couldn't determine how big they were, how long they have been there and if they would go away on their own or if they would need to be removed. I'm hoping to find out those results today from my Dr. But in the meantime I've been treating the pain with Ibuprofen and heat. I've also still been testing for Ovulation as I want to pinpoint when it is to help my chances of getting pregnant and I got very discouraged throughout all of this was hoping to at least get those answers. As life works i didn't, I tested everyday for the last 8 days and never received a positive Ovulation test. Now my mind is filled with all the thoughts of have I been Ovulating before and only had problems this month? Have I not been Ovulating and that's why I still haven't gotten pregnant. What if there is something wrong with me now so I can't have any more kids? Could i be content with one child? I'm kind of heartbroken at the thought of not being able to have another since I have waited so long to get my life back on track to be able to have a loving family to have more children in. I know there is always the route of Adoption but I would feel guilty trying to adopt a child knowing there are people out there who couldn't even have one baby of their own and they would want to adopt and I don't want to ruin there chances by being selfish and baby hungry. Right now I'm just really not sure what to do or how to feel. I don't know who i can talk to who might understand any of this.
Until Next Time
T